{Guest Post Alert} The Heart of Mother's Day
The Heart of Mother’s Day
By Dr. Helen McIntosh and Blythe Daniel
Do you believe that you are seen this week? We know it may not physically be seen by a mother or daughter but do you believe that God carries your heart close to his?
There are many women who carry around guilt or shame when it comes to their mother/daughter relationship and feel as though it can never be repaired. Maybe you are one of these women whose relationship is in an estranged or “walk on egg shells” place as we approach Mother’s Day. The heart of a day that celebrates moms when she is not close in your heart.
I love how Jesus approached those who came to him, much the same: hurting, desolate, or those who didn’t have the energy or ability to come to him but he still found them. In one particular case, he asked the man who had been paralyzed (maybe paralyzed in fear, do you think?), “What do you want me to do for you?” (Mark 10:51)
“Your faith has healed you” were the words that Jesus gave him after he brought healing to his blind eyes. And this promise is for us today too. I (Blythe) love this because Jesus invites us to share what’s on our heart that he already knows. It’s our saying it and the magnitude of our words in saying out loud what we want.
Maybe you want to ask God to restore your relationship because there is a chasm between you. Perhaps it’s been there for years and like the blind man, you have lived with it for so long that you don’t know life any differently. Will you allow your faith to see that your relationship can be healed and to trust God to bring it about with you?
I (Helen) walked around feeling cut off from closeness with my mom all of my life but God healed my heart through layers of pain and rejection that had settled into my heart. It was hard to even buy a Mother's Day card. I wasn't going to send a card saying sweet, mushy things that weren't true. I wanted to stay honest and true to my own thoughts and emotions, but I was committed to respecting and honoring her position in my life. What helped me was remembering that she wasn't who she wanted to be either.
The healing that came in our relationship was for my heart probably more than for hers, though I did see a measure of it with her. It was letting go of words spoken over me, my need to do things right (or be right), my differences of opinion and ways of doing things with her, and the ability to say, “I choose to forgive you.” One way that you can address the hurt between you and a mother is to say, “Mom, I know you may not recognize how you hurt me with your words, but it does hurt I choose to let them fall away, and I don’t hold onto them in my life. I forgive you.”
There is another group we want to encourage today to continue to press in and believe with hope that things can be different in your life. You may feel a void in your heart even now because you want to become a mom but it hasn’t happened. And this disappointment, longing, and pain continues to build until it feels like it has taken over your thoughts.
Maybe your arms feel empty right now. Many have empty arms because they have never birthed children. And we want to acknowledge how very difficult that is. You feel the ache of a child you lost. I (Blythe) felt that loss with our first child and it was a painful place of releasing her to the Lord.
In the midst of recognizing the desire we have to mother and to be mothered well, will you allow yourself to see that you are a “mother” to many in your city? Your neighborhood? Maybe you are caring for your mom who can barely say your name or doesn’t recognize you any longer because of her age and health condition.
God has strategically placed you where you are today. To help mother those who need what you can give them. My (Helen) favorite Bible verse comes from Isaiah 58:12 which calls us to do this work. Rebuilding, raising up, repairing and helping many generations. You are so needed!
This verse shares: “Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.”
As you ask the Lord to heal the places in your heart that are long devastated, will you also believe him and step out in your faith to ask him to bring more to you that you long to see? To be a bridge builder with your mom or daughter, to bring life again to your family and to increase the generation that you are laying foundations for as a hopeful new mom, and above all: a repairer of the walls between you and your mom or daughter?
We want to give you some words to start this process with her. How do you acknowledge her on Mother’s Day? What about the gift of your words to her? When there’s been disagreements, differences, distance and you believe you should reach out, you can offer her the gift of starting over and initiating words that can draw you into conversation again.
The gift of relationship can’t be bought, can it? But it can be cultivated between you so that you operate more freely in your relationship with each other. We want to offer you these conversation starters that you can download for free:
https://ourmendedhearts.com/wpcontent/uploads/2018/12/Seven_Conversation_Starters_FINAL.pdf
She may not have earned your trust up to this point, but we don’t want to discount it for present and future conversations. The process of mending your heart with your mother’s or daughter’s is the result of the time you have pressed into loving her not for who she is, but who she is becoming.
Will you ask Jesus for what seems like the impossible this year? We are here cheering you on!
For more, check out: Mended: Restoring the Hearts of Mothers and Daughters by Blythe Daniel and Dr. Helen McIntosh. Blythe and Helen can be found at They can be found at www.ourmendedhearts.com; Facebook: blythe.daniel; Facebook: helen.b.mcintosh; Instagram: blythe.daniel; Instagram: nannie_7777
Blythe Daniel is a literary agent and marketer. She speaks at conferences and is interviewed for podcasts and radio. She has written for Christian Retailing, CCM Magazine, and Focus on the Family publications, and directed marketing for Thomas Nelson Publishers. Her passion is helping authors share their unique stories. The daughter of Dr. Helen McIntosh, she lives in Colorado with her husband and three children.
Dr. Helen McIntosh (EdD, Counseling Psychology) is a counselor, speaker, educator, and author of Messages to Myself and Eric, Jose & The Peace Rug®. Her work has appeared in Guideposts, ParentLife, and HomeLife magazines. She resides in Georgia with her husband Jim. They have two children and five grandchildren.
