What Matters Most
What a whirlwind of a season. I feel like my body is just now being able to relax a little since Christmas 2020 is in the books and our Atlanta Market Show was a success this month. I have only been home a couple of days after a four day run. David got home late last night after being gone for eight days.
I sit here to write with a million thoughts swirling inside of my head. I don’t really even know where I am going with this, but my fingers have missed the keyboard and my thoughts seek release beyond a paragraph here and there on social media.
Our boys missed us a lot this past season. It hurts my heart how much we had to be away from them. Yes, we got to decorate for some really cool celebs, but there is nothing more important to David and to me than God, first, and family second. David and I made multiple overnight trips to Atlanta, Knoxville, and even a trip to Tampa for Christmas decorating or to revise our showroom for the January show.
And when we weren’t on the road, we were working long hours —even after we left the store. Lots of hours are logged on car rides, at home, and over dinner. David says, “Turn it off.” But sometimes it’s hard to turn it off when there is so much going on.
During our last Atlanta trip, my baby, Spencer, called me upset because he had a bad day. He was experiencing anxiety, and he was missing his Momma. My heart felt like it would break into pieces as I heard the crack in his voice on the other end of the phone. I wanted to reach out and hug him tight and assure him it was all going to be okay. But I had to settle for a FaceTime call equipped with funny filters trying to make him laugh. We prayed for him on the phone before the call was over.
Every choice we make in life comes with consequences and sacrifices. We feel called to this business thing or neither of us would do it. It is something I want to lay down often, but it’s a ministry and something bigger than the two of us. (See Chapter One of my Leading with Jesus book) David’s gift opens the doors for us to go places we normally wouldn’t get to go in order to share love and Jesus with people in a unique way—through design and decor. I have prayed over flowers, floors, and through homes. I have walked people’s properties and just said the name “Jesus” to release his powerful name into the atmosphere.
On my way home from market, I got pulled over by a State Trooper. I had no idea why. I knew I wasn’t speeding. Little did I know I had an expired tag. It expired in September. In my defense, I purchased my car in March and got new tags, so in my mind, I was good for awhile. Thankfully, the Trooper only gave me a warning. I got online that night and renewed my tags. I like to follow the rules. But, you see, anything that happens between September and December is anyone’s guess. It’s the time I forget to send forms back to school and misplace important documents. It’s the time I feel like a complete train wreck. The amount of hours we work is insane, and if my bills aren’t auto drafted, they don’t get paid. I just can’t keep up with it all. And I am tired. So tired.
Each year, David and I try to plan for more margin in our days…but each year brings something different which steals our time. We had to work twice as hard this past year because of COVID. We had to work three times as hard the year before because of the flood. God is always faithful, and He honors our time and hard work. I believe that to be the truth. So we keep going. It reminds me of Proverbs 16:9, “The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” We can do all the planning we want, and I believe we should plan, because the Lord moves on planned environments. He is an orderly God, not a God of chaos. But we are all fools if we believe our plans are going to work out perfectly.
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself.” Matthew 6:34 This verse has always been true, but it is very relevant to our current times. Who knows what will happen tomorrow? I surely do not. But I know God will be there waiting on me. He’s with me today and He is also waiting on me in tomorrow. Isn’t that a pleasant thought? He is always with us and one step ahead of us all at the same time.
Spencer spent most of the day with me yesterday since school was out. We talked and laughed. My oldest joined us on occasion. Side note: As your kids get older, they spend more and more time away from you. It’s not because they don’t like you…well, sometimes it is. But it’s because they are becoming their own person. We are gradually being prepared for the day they leave our little nest to join the world on their own adventure filled with questions, curiosity and learning things the hard way.
Don’t get me started on what it feels like to have my first baby boy, Isaiah, begin to turn into a man right before my eyes. I will ugly cry. It’s fascinating and weird and rewarding and annoying wrapped up into one emotion. He can’t wait to explore the great big world. He talks of moving to another country for college. And if either of my kids would do such a thing, it is him. I have tried to explain that I can’t protect him forever, but he has his whole life to experience the world. I’ve asked him not to fault me for wanting to keep him in a bubble as long as I can. He sees and respects my good intentions. When he outgrew me in height a couple of months ago, I felt a sense of wonder. I helped create a human bigger than myself. And I pray his mark on the world for goodness is bigger than mine.
And I only have a few more fleeting years with this man child before he….leaves.
During one particular moment with Spencer yesterday, he began sharing with me all of the things he wanted to accomplish in life. He has a really long list. And at ten years old, he already feels like time is running out. Boy, I can relate to that feeling. All the things he listed were admirable. He asked me, “What is your one big dream?” Without having to think, I said, “To be a grandmother.”
He looked at me like I had three heads. It felt slightly weird to me to say it aloud. I used to want to be and do all the things the world told me I should want to be and do in order to be admired or accepted. But not today.
“Huh?” he asked.
I replied, “Well, Spencer, I’m excited to watch you and your brother grow and have families of your own. And I am hoping when I become a grandmother, my life might be a little more calm and a lot less work. I can’t wait to keep your children and teach them about our family and how we love Jesus.”
I explained to him that sometimes we think success and accomplishes define us, and we can strive so hard to be what the world considers successful. We can look at how our business had the best season it has ever had. Or we can look at how we grew our YouTube channel so quickly. Or we can reflect on how we decorated for celebs.
None of that matters. Yes, it helps us make a living and pay our bills, but it doesn’t truly matter. The world is bound to forget us at some point. The celebrities won’t remember our names. And even if we do something so fantastic that the world remembers, I don’t trust the world to get my story right.
What matters to me is leaving a godly legacy. It’s leaving this earth one day and my children and their children saying, “Our grandmother loved God with all her heart, and she was the hands and feet of Jesus.” I want them to say, “She kept us in line, held us accountable, but she made us laugh and taught us how to love.” Our legacy matters. And I spend a lot of time thinking about the legacy I want to leave. It’s not to leave my footprint on the world, but it’s to leave my fingerprint on the hearts of those I get the privilege to love.
Footprints leave impressions on the ground showing someone you were there. Fingerprints are extensions of hands that prepare cakes, hold babies, wipe away tears, and comfort the hurting. And each one of our fingerprints left behind are unique and important.
So what is the point of this rambling? I am not really sure other than to clear my head and hopefully encourage someone to spend some time reflecting on the kind of legacy you want to leave for your children. One day they will outgrow us and, Lord willing, outlive us. They will spread their wings and fly because you built them a safe nest in which they can always return.
Well, I guess that’s a wrap. I don’t know about you, but I feel better….if you made it this far, thanks. May be the Lord bless you and keep you. May His face shine upon you and gracious to you. He loves you more!
